The importance of a secure attachment in babies.

“Relationships, not things, make brighter babies” – William Sears

You are your child’s first teacher, your child’s first secure base and your child’s first caregiver.

The parent-child relationship is foremost the most important thing to your little baby from the very beginning.

This relationship affects the language, brain, social and emotional development.

Our babies brain development is influenced by their relationships, their experiences and their environment. The baby’s secure attachment to their parent helps develop their social and emotional development.

From the day we bring our little baby home, we are already working on developing a secure and strong attachment by responding to their needs and their cries.

When we sing, talk to them, gentle touch their face or provide skin-to-skin we are providing a warm, loving and secure environment for our little babies.

It’s not always “perfect” and we have days when our baby is fussy, cranky or just uncomfortable.

We need to remember that this is all relatively normal. Your little baby may be more fussy during the night, and need you more during these unsettling periods.

Pinky McKay often calls these unsettled periods as “progressions” not “regressions”, as you’ll find that these unsettled periods are due to developmental changes such as learning to pull to standing, walking or even learning to roll but also can be linked to changes in brain development.

As much as babies experience a “growth spurt” their mental development is also changing and adjusting to the world around them.

You may find that during these changes your little baby becomes unsettled and needs more from you, the parent.

Dutch psychologist Hetty van de Rijt and Frans Plooij spent many years researching these mental developmental changes and developed ten developmental leaps that occur in the first twenty months. And called these ten leaps “The Wonder Weeks”

I highly recommend downloading the app “The Wonder Weeks” or even reading their book “The Wonder Weeks” to find out more.

When these developmental leaps or “growth spurts” occur, we need to remember that we can only do what we can and to ask for help if need be.

We don’t need to be perfect, we need to remember that we are good enough as a mum, as a dad or as a caregiver.

Here are some ideas on how to develop a secure attachment with your baby:

• Skin-to-skin contact from birth, and throughout those early days.
• Having a bath together is great for skin-to-skin contact.
• Use a carrier regularly especially in those early days. A carrier recreates that warm feeling that a baby has similar to being in the womb, but also allows the baby to hear your heartbeat which to them is often soothing.
• Singing songs with your baby. You could even start singing to your little one when they are in your womb.
• Reading stories together, not only helps with early language development but is also a great way for bonding.
• Responding to their cries as soon as possible; Remember a baby’s cry is their way of communicating with you.
• Get down on the floor and play with them – it might be simple lying on your tummy during tummy time and chatting to them, explaining what you see e.g. “look at the colours of that ball” or “Look the sun is out”
• Talk about everyday routines e.g. “Mum is going to hang out the washing now”
• Go for walks in the pram or with your little baby in the carrier. You could also talk about what you see outside.
• Playing simple games or nursery rhymes including ‘Peek-a-Boo’, ‘Round and round the garden’ help with connecting with your little baby, as well as helps with early language development.
• And remember if you are finding the days tough, please ask for help from a friend, neighbour, partner or grandparent. Ask them to take the baby for a walk so you can catch up on sleep or have that much needed shower.

And if your baby is unsettled and you are unsure on how to help, and you are from Victoria the Maternal and Child Health Line have a 24-hour telephone support service that you can access for further support. (Tel. 13 22 29)

Looking for a way to connect with your baby or toddler?

The Early Parenting Village is offering a Free Virtual Playgroup on Facebook twice a week for children under the age of 2 years.

To find out more go to The Early Parenting Virtual Playgroup group.